


Heroes Are Crap People

by HK44



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Genderfluid Character, Lesbian Character, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Original Characters - Freeform, Original Story - Freeform, Queerplatonic Relationships, Social Anxiety, Swearing, author just wants to write a stream of nonense to perfectly frank, kelly is a badass hero and honestly she doesn't really want to be, max is a mess and just wants to yell at their machines in peace, sarah is a fucking furry and is too good for this world, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-05-21 06:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6041977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HK44/pseuds/HK44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelly Sherm is a badass hero who can punch things and makes people fear and respect her through the power of intellect and muscles and this story is not about her.<br/>Sarah Kane is a lovable sidekick with questionable interests and a high aptitude for art and this story is not about her either.<br/>Max Aldren is an anxious loser with a hunk of metal jammed into the skin behind their ear and a really plain appearance and, unfortunately, this story is about them.</p><p>Don't worry, they're not too thrilled about it either.<br/>Sarah's ecstatic though about it though. And Kelly's doing something confusing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FULL TITLE: Heroes Are Crap People Who Need To Go Find Another Place To Be The Savior Because Max Aldren Does Not Have Time For Your Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly? I have no idea where I'm going with this. I had an idea. I started writing. So there's very little plot to it at the moment but I have a base idea of what I want to do with it. It's a rambling story to be honest, the kind where you just unleash whatever you're thinking and go from there so it's not beta'd either and I don't really plan on getting it beta'd.
> 
> Yes, I'm aware that the title is long and no, I don't actually care. If you have a better title, please pitch it to me, otherwise don't comment on it. Surprisingly enough I actually _suck_ at titles which is why I don't name chapters and stare a document for hours on end because I can't come up with a title for it.
> 
> For the most part, this is something for me to have fun with and I suppose the writing and general structure will probably display that.
> 
> EDIT: SHORTENED THE TITLE!

 

/activating audio sensor/

/audio sensor activated/

/begin recording?/

“Yes.”

/audio input “YES” accepted/

/recording began/

“Alright, great, uh, so today is Friday. It is the third day since I began this video diary and- shit, is the video on?”

/video sensor not online/

/activate video sensor?/

“Yes. Whole point of a video diary-”

/activating video sensor/

 

“-is to videotape it, geez. Do we really have to do every single time, Tag?”

/apologies offered/

“Not accepted.”

/video sensor activated/

/subject standing in center of image frame/

/identifying subject as Max Aldren/

“Great, we done?”

/begin subtitling?/

/subject Max Aldren appears to be having a breakdown/

/activate soothing noises/

/soothing noises activated/

“AH FUCK, TAG! TURN IT OFF!”

/deactivating soothing noises/

/soothing noises deactivated/

/apologies offered/

“I don’t accept.”

 

/feelings are hurt/

“You don’t have feelings.”

/feelings are hurt/

/begin subtitling?/

/subject Max Aldren exhibits action noted as “SIGHING”/

/action “SIGHING” refers to breath of relief or weariness/

/subject Max Aldren appears to be weary/

/apologies offered/

“Accepted and, yeah, begin subtitling, Tag.”

/beginning subtitling/

/subtitling began/

“Okay, okay, so like I said before, uh, today is Friday. It’s the third day since I started this video diary. Um, nothing great to report on my end, uh, though I did, uh, grow… a couple inches since last time-”

/analyze subject Max Aldren/

“and I feel- wait, Tag, what you doing?”

/subject Max Aldren analysis complete/

/subject Max Aldren does not appear to have grown since last video log/

“I have too grown!”

/subject Max Aldren is lying/

/analyzing past data/

“Tag, you’re a piece of crap and I’m gonna scrap you as soon as I can.”

/subject Max Aldren is lying/

/past data analysis complete/

/subject Max Aldren has grown point zero zero three inches since last video log/

/subject Max Aldren lied/

“I didn’t lie! I did grow! That’s what I said.”

/reviewing previous audio input/

/“I did, uh, grow… a couple inches”/

/researching audio input term “COUPLE”/

“Tag, we really don’t have time for this so stop your rese-”

/audio input term “COUPLE” research complete/

/term “COUPLE” refers to two/

/subject Max Aldren was lying/

“Shut up, Tag.”

/shutdown?/

“NO!”

/audio input “NO” accepted/

/shutdown not initiated/

“God, Tag, shut up is not the same as shutdown, okay? Two different things. And no, you cannot research this. Come on, it’s five minutes to lunch and I promised Sarah I’d meet her at her room prior to, okay, so let’s just do this, alright?”

/alright/

“Thank you. Okay so, like I was saying, I did, um, grow, apparently, zero point zero zero three inches which is still growth so it counts. It counts. Anyway, uh, we, uh, got a new teacher coming in this week. Um, Sarah thinks she’s gonna be cool but, you know, Sarah thinks everyone’s cool and clearly she’s… wrong because she thought I was… cool and she was wrong because I am not cool in the slightest or at all or… you know, I’m just not cool because I apparently am... not. I mean, I just-”

/subject Max Aldren appears stressed/

/activate soothing noises?/

“Uh, no, Tag. No soothing noises. I don’t even understand how you could possibly even conceive that _that_ was soothing, like, fuck, monkeys screeching is not soothing.”

/soothing noises deleted from system/

“Anyway, back to Sarah. She’s been great. You know, just fantastic. Said she was gonna draw me something. Been saying that for a while now and still hasn’t but, you know, it’s great. I’m happy we’re friends. I’m happy I’m not alone and friendless like I was last term and the… term before that and the term before that and so on. And, uh, I’m gonna go because I literally want to stop talking, okay, goodbye.”

/audio input “GOODBYE” accepted/

/shutdown initiated/

 

* * *

 

“Fucking Tag,” Max hissed, scratching just above their wrist, where hair ties were digging deeply into their skin. The camera in question was now resting at a desk in a box specifically designated to it. Max sighed and picked at the metal behind their ear. Morosely, they stroked a hand over Tag’s outer exterior and closed the box.

“You didn’t have to shutdown,” they mumbled. And that was true. But it was probably best that Tag did shutdown. Having a screaming match with a floating camera where no one else could hear its input was probably not a good thing.

They checked their watch and groaned, grabbing up the box with Tag in it and their bag. It slung around their chest and they struggled out the room, snapping back to snatch their jacket off the chair closest to the door. The door clicked shut behind them.

Nearly tripping over their own feet, they attempted to heave on their jacket as their feet slapped against the tile. People sprung out of their way, yelling obscenities as they streaked by. A door opened and they went sprawling, their momentum crashing down on them as they ceased to an immediate stop. Tag’s box flew for a moment then hovered in the air. An unimpressed girl swung her finger and the box shifted, hovering over Max’s head.

Sarah eyed Max with an amused look before crouching. “Hey. You’re late which means we’re gonna be late.”

Groaning, Max pushed off the ground. “Couldn’t you just show me after lunch?”

“Back to back classes, Maxie.” Sarah bopped their nose.

They swatted her hand away. “Don’t call me that.”

Sarah gave them a knowing look and disappeared back inside her room. Max collected the box from the air, feeling its weight give out as the spell wore off. Grunting they slipped into Sarah’s room, hooking the door shut with their ankle.

Sarah’s closet door was wide open and she was rummaging through it noisily. Max settled their box on a clean space of desk and watched her, hoping the cheeseburgers wouldn’t have run out by the time they actually arrive to the cafeteria.

Sarah glanced over her shoulder once before pushing her arm farther than the closet could possibly go. “What’s in the box?”

Max blinked. “Oh. Tag.”

She stopped moving and pulled back to give Max and inquisitive stare. “Tag?”

“Yeah, my, uh-” They scratched at the hair ties on their wrist again. “My camera. The floating one.”

Sarah snorted. “You named your camera?”

“Sure,” Max chirped but the reality was that Tag had named himself, having decidedly come to life while Max was binge-watching Friends for the seven millionth time. The audio input of that name was the first he had heard and he had decidedly approved of it immediately.

Max was never really a big fan of Tag, both the character and the name, but machines can name themselves, they supposed.

Though they decided not to mention that.

Sarah was a good and decent person but she wrinkled her nose and made unimpressive faces at the thought of machines having mind of their own which Max found hypocritical since they never bothered to pose their opinion to _her_ weird internet community, which was best known, and hated, for its specific kind of porn, in any kind of way even though they totally could and should do the next time Sarah narrowed her eyes as they held a conversation with her tiny electric fan that really just wanted nothing more than to have the battery taken out of it so it could just be free from its mind-numbing labour of spinning for hours on end.

Brushing that to the back of their mind, they picked at a scab on their knee.

Sarah let out a whoop of a laugh and finally tumbled back, pulling out with her… the head of a dog?

She presented it happily. “Nice, right?”

Max laughed awkwardly and grinned, hoping their horror didn’t shine through their shine. “It’s a… dog’s head?”

“Head of my fursuit,” she drawled. “Just finished it this morning before breakfast.”

Speak of the weirdness and it shall become. Max nodded eagerly, trying to act as though they were _not_ attempting to distance themself from the strange dog head. “It’s cool. Nice. A plus work there, Sarah.”

She grinned, clearly proud of herself. “Thank you.”

The dog head itself wasn’t weird. It was the eyes or, rather, the lack thereof. The black of her shirt peeked through the holes, reflecting a lifeless void where all matter would soon be consumed.

_Oh, shush, you._

Max waited to narrow their eyes and drop their face into a look of annoyance once Sarah’s back was turned because damnit, Marlene, no one was talking to you.

_She was very happy about it. She had to wait until Jane left before she did this strange movement._

Max closed their eyes. _Dancing, Marlene. It’s called dancing._

_Oh, right. I keep forgetting. Apologies._

They grinned in spite of themself. _It’s fine. Apology not necessary_.

“Are you talking to my air conditioner again?” Sarah asked reproachfully. She stepped out of her closet and eyed Max with a curious gaze.

“I plead the fifth,” Max said immediately, gathering Tag’s box up into their arms.

Sarah grinned, a twisted grin with half her mouth jerking up, open and wide, while the other half fell closed, the barest hint of teeth poking out between the gaps of her lips. “Do you even know what that means?”

Max paused, readjusted the box’s weight and considered the question. Their eyebrows dropped as they blinked thoughtfully. “Um… no.” They frowned. “What does it mean?”

Sarah shrugged. “Why do you think I was asking you?” She grabbed her jacket and began tugging it on. “Ask my air conditioner.”

They knew she was being sarcastic but still they glanced over at the aforementioned air conditioner, where Sarah's roommate Jane had welded a camera to it for reasons the two of them chose not to question, and shifted the box’s weight in their arms once more. _Marlene, do you know what it means?_

There was a moment of silence before-

_In reference to the Fifth Amendment of the United States. Verb. To decline to give self-incriminating information._

Max repeated verbatim what Marlene said. Sarah paused for a moment before nodding.

“Oh.” She chewed her bottom lip for a moment. “Um, thank you…”

“Marlene,” Max supplied.

“Marlene,” she finished. “Thank you, Marlene.”

_Oh, it’s no problem, sweetheart._

“She says it’s no problem,” Max said carefully. They shifted the box again, trying to distribute the weight in a way that didn’t stress out their arms. “And she also likes your dog head.”

Sarah twitched for a moment before bursting into the widest grin ever to exist on a human face. Then her face fell and she squeezed her thumb, smiling lightly. “Awesome.” She grabbed her bag. “We should probably…” She trailed off for a moment. “…go.”

They nodded. “Right. Right.”

Shifting out of the room, Max hoped the cheeseburgers weren’t gone and pretended not to hear Sarah gleefully whispering, “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

The cheeseburgers were all gone. And so was the cheese. Which meant Max got to eat a stupid, regular old hamburger.

“I hate you,” they said, dropping next to Sarah with their tray of pitiful ugly hamburgers. “You made me miss out on the cheese, Sarah.”

Sarah squinted at them and then their lunch. “Do you ever _not_ eat burgers?”

They just stuck out their tongue because it would be a lie to say anything otherwise and they were not going to say no and then have to explain how they begged the cooks to make them burgers for breakfast and caused a ruckus in the kitchen when they talked the oven into not working properly so they could get said burgers for all meals.

It was best just to get there really early in the morning and eat all the burgers before Sarah was even up and could figure out that Max’s diet consisted of meat, more meat, one or two slices of bread and the occasional carrot.

Sarah would not approve of this diet.

Sarah did not approve of having less than a third of your plate consisting of vegetables.

Which Max found hypocritical since Sarah piled up on all the cupcakes available to them and once punched a boy for attempting to take the last one.

Licking the icing off her fingers, Sarah glanced around their empty table and continued to peel back the cupcake’s wrapper. “You should come to my room tonight. I almost finished my drawings for you, by the way.”

“Drawings?” Max smiled and cocked their head. “Plural?”

“I did promise,” Sarah said. Vanilla icing smeared over her chin and she frowned, trying to glance at it “It’s a sketch book of crap.” She wiped off her chin, missing a smidge by her upper lip. “All for you.”

“Your art isn’t crap,” Max argued as they stretched over the table and wiped the last bit of icing away. And that was true. Even the animals she drew standing up on their hind legs and such weren’t crap. Sarah’s art was amazing.

She snorted, balling her napkin up. “I know. Just come over, alright?”

They considered it. “What about Jane?”

Sarah shoved the cupcake into her mouth and chewed it like a woman on a mission. Max took the time to wonder how she could possible diss people’s eating habits when hers were equally as horrific.

Downing a glass of water, Sarah swallowed and sighed contentedly, moving on to her next cupcake. “Jane’s having a sleepover with Evil One and Evil Two at their dorm so I’m free to have whoever I want over so long as I understand that Jane has eyes everywhere and that I’m not allowed to touch her stuff.”

“You think that’s what the camera’s for?” Max dropped the top bun of their seventh burger on top of the other top buns on their tray. “Spying on you?”

“No, I think it’s for instances when someone goes onto her side of the room.” She squinted at her cupcake, eying it for any mistakes before pulling out her phone and taking a picture of it. “Because Tara had to go get something from her side of the room the other day for their project that Jane forgot and there was this beep which-” She stopped talking and stared at her cupcake held in Max’s hand.

“I’m listening. Keep talking.”

“You took my cupcake,” she whispered.

They shrugged. “I’m not gonna eat it. It’s just gross when you do.”

“Cupcake,” Sarah whispered faintly like she was about ready to die. Then a snap second later and she continued on as though nothing happened. “-which I’m pretty sure came from the camera and whenever she goes over to her side, she always mumbles something so I’m pretty sure it’s gotta sensor or a sensor spell or something on it.”

“Alright.” She snatched cupcake out of Max’s hand as they offered it back. They grinned and tried not to be horrified by the cupcake’s process of being devoured. “So just keep to one side?”

“Yup.”

“I could ask Marlene about this sensor thing.”

Sarah shrugged, mouth full of cupcake. “Go fo’ ick.”

“You disgust me,” Max said plainly before taking a bit of their burger without the top bun and so much relish it was oozing out the side. They didn’t even like relish. The ketchup was just gone from their table and damn if they were going to ask someone to borrow it. Still relish was disgusting but not as disgusting as a dry burger.

Shrugging, she began peeling off the wrapper of another cupcake. “What’s the camera for?”

“I have Crafts later. Figured I might as well show off the only thing going for me,” Max muttered, absentmindedly picking at the metal molded into the skin just behind their ear.

Sarah squeezed their hand reassuringly. “You got some relish on your face there.”

“Oh.” Max wiped it away. “Gone?”

Sarah scratched her cheek with one finger. “Yeah.”

The door burst open and a girl straggled in. Mud and water dripped off her clothes and face. A think gash cut over her leg. In her arms, she held, cradled to her gasping chest, another girl. Slowly she dropped the girl to the floor, gasping hard, a sharp selection of glass clutched in her hands. It clattered to the floor as people hurried from their tables to help them, the sound lost in the stampede of pounding feet.

Max watched for a moment before taking another bite of their burger. Sarah nodded and went back to eating her cupcake, sparing a moment to stab a forkful of her salad and eat that too.

“So do I get to know what’s in the sketch book or what?”

She shrugged. “Wait and see, Maxie.”

“You _know_ I hate it when you call me that, Sarah.”

 

* * *

 

/activating audio sensor/

/audio sensor activated/

/activating video sensor/

/video sensor activated/

/subject standing in center of image frame/

/identifying subject as Max Aldren/

/begin recording?/

“Yes.”

/audio input “YES” accepted/

/recording began/

/subtitling began/

“Hey, I’m back again. Guess we can count this as a continuation of the third day since I began this video diary and-”

/subject standing in peripheral of image frame/

“Oh, is this the camera?”

“Yeah. Tag.”

/subject standing in outer center of image frame/

/identifying subject as Sarah Kain/

“Tag. Right. It’s cute.”

/subject Sarah Kain is honest/

“It’s evil.”

/subject Max Aldren is lying/

_I am not._

/yes subject Max Aldren is/

_You’re a dick, Tag._

/researching audio input term “DICK”/

_No, Tag, don’t-_

/audio input term “DICK” research complete/

/object Tag is scarred for life/

/term “DICK” refers to male gentalia, otherwise known as a penis/

/object Tag does not like dicks/

/object Tag also does not have a dick/

/subject Max Aldren is lying/

/subject Max Aldren appears to be having a breakdown/

/activate soothing noises?/

/wait/

/soothing noises not found/

/researching soothing noises/

 _Tag, please stop_.

/audio input “STOP” accepted/

/soothing noises research stopped/

/subject Max Aldren appears weary/

/apologies offered/

 _Accepted_.

“You’re talking to it, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“Nah, you just got that look on your face.”

“What? I don’t have a look.”

/subject Sarah Kain has left image frame/

/follow subject Sarah Kain?/

 _Sure_.

/following subject Sarah Kain/

/subject Max Aldren has left image frame/

“You just did it again!”

“Wha- You’re crazy!”

/subject Sarah Kain is in object Closet/

/return to subject Max Aldren?/

/wait/

/subject Sarah Kain is exiting object Closet/

/subject Sarah Kain is holding unknown object/

“I thought you said you were finished with that?”

“I just want to get it for your diary.”

“This is becoming a crap diary. I’m gonna hafta restart when you’re asleep and all you can do to disrupt me is snore and fart and- OH!”

/subject Sarah Kain is hitting subject Max Aldren with unknown object/

/arming protective measures/

/wait/

/subject Max Aldren appears to be laughing/

/subject Max Aldren is not in danger/

/disarming protective measures/

/protective measures disarmed/

/subject Max Aldren is hitting subject Sarah Kain with item Pillow/

/subject Max Aldren?/

“Yes! Tag! HA!”

“Fucker!”

/identify unknown object subject Sarah Kain is hitting subject Max Aldren with, please?/

“Oh! It’s a dog head. For, uh-”

/subjects Max Aldren and Sarah Kain have stopped/

“My suit.”

“Right. Her suit. It’s a dog head for her, um, fursuit, Tag. And it’s an item, by the way. Not an object.”

/reclassifying unknown object as item Dog Head/

/reclassification complete/

“Okay, okay, seriously, let me finish?”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.”

/subject Sarah Kain has left image frame/

/follow-/

_No._

“Okay, okay, so this is my friend, Sarah!”

/subject Max Aldren has pulled subject Sarah Kain back into image frame/

/subjects Max Aldren and Sarah Kain appear to be happy/

“Sarah is awesome. And does cool art. And likes… animals. That stand.”

“What they mean to say is that I’m a furry and I like _anthropomorphic_ animals.”

“Yes. She is that. Which is… weird but, uh, it’s kinda cool.”

“It’s only weird because you’re mostly aware of the weird side.”

“Shhhhhh. And anyway!”

/subject Max Aldren has pushed subject Sarah Kain out of image frame/

/subject Max Aldren is rude/

“Shut up, Tag.”

/feelings are hurt/

“You don’t have feelings _andnoyoucan’tbacktalkeme!_ Stop laughing, Sarah. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted- OW!”

/subject Sarah Kain has hit subject Max Aldren/

/object Tag does not care/

“Pbbt!”

“I hate you. Anyway, it’s a continuation of the third day of this video diary. Um, we’re in Sarah’s room because she gets lonely and desires my sexy body an- Stop hitting me!”

“Stop being an ass.”

“No. Now, um, some things to note. The new teacher has not come in yet but a new kid literally washed up on our shores, fought off a bunch of monsters and carried her Searcher in while continuing to fend off as many monsters as possible with a piece of glass she found. Sounds cool. Probably really boring and stressful.”

“Sounds fucking awesome.”

“You’re weird, Sarah.”

“Didn’t we already establish that?”

“Yeah. Um, other things to note. I don’t think I’m gonna like this new girl, mostly because Mrs. Harrison informed me that once she’s in stable condition and leave the infirmary, she will be rooming with me and anyone who can carry in a person bigger than them, fight off monsters using only a _tiny_ piece of glass and still have the nerve to ask for a cheeseburger is clearly insane and will probably piss on their side of the room to establish territory or something weird and crazy like that.”

“Or you’re just pissed at her because you didn’t realize that the cooks were lying when they said they were out of cheeseburgers.”

“Shut up, Sarah.”

/subject Sarah Kain appears to be laughing/

/subject Max Aldren is not amused/

/continue researching soothing noises/

“PLEASE STOP WITH THE SOOTHING NOISES, TAG!”

/audio input “STOP” accepted/

/soothing noises research stopped/

/feelings are hurt/

“I give up! This was a horrible decision and I can’t take it anymore! Good day! Goodbye!”

/audio input “GOODBYE” accepted/

/shutdown initiated/

 

* * *

 

Sarah laughed and it wasn’t as obnoxious as it used to be. More endearing, really. But still Max grabbed their duffle bag of clothes and attempted to storm off. Sarah swung her arm around their shoulders and tugged them back with ease. They fell to the bed beside and sighed as Tag located his box and shutdown inside of it.

“It’s cute,” Sarah said, scratching the edge of her lip.

Max shrugged. “He’s a camera.”

Sarah’s nose twitched and she rubbed the back of her neck. “Do you assign all of them genders or what?”

“Uh, no. It’s really what they want,” Max explained. “I dunno. Usually the name is the gender, I guess.”

“What about neutral names? Like yours?”

“They are just machines, Sarah,” they said. They fiddled with their hair ties. “Gender doesn’t really apply. I’m pretty sure I’ve called the third oven from the left of the second fridge in the kitchen by female and male pronouns interchangeably because she chooses to be called Cameron and that’s his name.”

“You did it again,” Sarah teased.

“Yeah? Huh.” They grinned lightly. “Guess I have then.”

Sarah nodded and hummed her agreement, a simple and toneless, “Mmm.”

The two of them laid there in silence. Every so often, Sarah would squeeze Max’s thumb and every so often they would shoot her a smile but both of them remained quiet and gazing upwards to the ceiling, hearing the low buzz of the air conditioner, Marlene, fill their heads.

Sarah’s breaths were soft and soothing and Max felt their eyes fall shut, relaxing into the sound. She squeezed their thumb again before trapping their hand fulling into hers, a tight clasp that had them feeling settled and at peace.

Sarah was like that, a calming presence, a wave of easiness squashed into a short frame of dark skin and bouncing curls. She had been like that since the beginning, when their friendship was fairly new and the two of them were awkward about talking to one another. Now it was something better. Something on the verge of deep and meaningful. There were days when Max pondered over it. Their friendship was feeling a little less like a friendship and more like… like… something _better_ than just friends. Something pure. Something…

Something.

They weren’t sure, though, about what Sarah thought of them or their friendship. For all they knew, she just saw them as buddies, chums, pals, whereas Max was struggling to find a word that could be the deeper meaning of their friendship, a word that was friend but better.

But either way, Sarah was great. So one of her interests were a bit strange but Max could handle it and she _wasn’t_ like that anyway. Like the ones that brandished the name and torched it so deeply, little kids drawing animals on the covers of their books would be ashamed of it later on. At least she had something she loved.

Max had machines. And they certainly did not enjoy that.

“Stop thinking so loud.” Max blinked and glanced over at her. She cracked open an eye and squinted it at him, slapping their face lightly with the hand not clutching theirs like a lifeline. “I can practically feel your thoughts slappin’ me in the face, man, quit it.”

They snorted. “Shut up.”

She grinned. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“What a loser you are,” they sighed. Sarah yelled, her voice muffled into their shoulder as they laughed, rolling into her. “How much community service hours I’m gonna get by-” She grabbed a pillow from behind her head and hit them with it. “-being your friend, which is basically charity!”

They pulled back, grinning. Sarah scooted up, laughing. She swatted them with the pillow one more time before letting it settled between the two of them. Their laughter fell into easy silence.

Max tugged on the pillow, still clutched in her hands. “Hey.”

She tugged it back. “Hey.”

They sighed. “I’m happy we’re friends.”

Sarah grinned lightly. “Me too.”

And that was true.

 

* * *

 

Someone’s foot was in their face.

No.

 _Sarah’s_ foot was in their face and she was… she was mumbling about… cupcakes?

“It’s my cupcake,” she slurred, shifting and slapping her pillow before burrowing her face into it. “Fuck off, Bill. S’mine cuncakes.”

Max considered holding an intervention for Sarah’s apparent cupcake obsession. Tag could be there to film the whole debacle.

She shifted more and kicked them in the face, effectively pushing them out of bed and thought.

“MOTHER- AH!” They rolled over, grabbing at their throbbing face, while she snapped up in the bed, her hair in frazzles around her head like a puffy mane. “Sarah!”

“What? What?” She looked around rapidly and then stared at them. “ _Why are you on the ground?”_

“You kicked me!”

“Oh!” There was a beat of quiet. “Sorry.”

They waved off her apology and plodded back into the bed before immediately hopping out because, fuck, they had to pee.

“I didn’t kick you this time!”

“I have to pee!”

“Oh.” Another beat of quiet while Max struggled to find the doorknob to the door. “Shit, I have to go too.”

“Well, hurry it up then,” Max muttered, locating the doorknob and then immediately walking into the door as they opened. “Fuck!”

“Did you just walk into the door?”

“Shut up, Sarah.”

“Whatever you say, Maxie.”

“I will kill you dead.”

One could suppose from this violent threat of affection that Max was not a fan of waking up at three in the morning and they would be correct in supposing so. Sarah snickered anyway and let herself drape over them, their feet plodding along the cold tile of the hallway on the way to the dormitory bathroom.

The door swung open easily and Sarah shifted over to the nearest stall, more pep in her step than Max had in their entire body.

Max went to the handicapped stall and sat down on the toilet, nearly crying in relief because, damn, their bladder was full.

“Ahhhh,” they sighed, flopping hot limbs onto the cool ceramic.

Sarah pushed her way into the stall, pulling her sweats all the way up. “Good?”

“Very,” Max muttered. “Marlene needs to step it up.”

Sarah snorted and pulled back, off to wash her hands while Max stooped over and contemplated just falling asleep on the tile.

“Don’t fall asleep on the tile!” Sarah said, her voice loud over the running water.

Max frowned. “Don’t read my mind.”

She snorted and the water shut off, ripping sounds echoing around the bathroom. “I don’t need to read your mind,” she said, shoving back into the stall, “to know what you’re planning.”

She threw her damp paper towels into the empty trash can beside them. Max squinted at the paper towels in the trash can and continued to contemplate falling asleep on the tile.

“No,” Sarah repeated, tugging them on their ear.

They winced, swatting her hand away. “Bad ear, Sarah.”

She grimaced. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” They stretched a little, trying to work out the kinks in their muscles. “Ahhhh.”

Sarah rolled her eyes, moving back. “You want me to wait up?”

“No.” They slumped. “Go back to sleep.”

“Alright.” She disappeared out the stall door and they could hear the swishing sound of the bathroom door swinging open and sliding shut.

Max sighed deeply, rubbing their face exhaustedly before pushing off the toilet and dropping the lid shut. The flush was loud and echoed in their skull. Crinkling their nose, they stepped out of the stall and right into the new girl who was standing in front of them, eyes wide and dark.

Max considered escape via the bathroom window and then swore violently when they remembered this bathroom didn’t have a bathroom window then swore again because what did they need to escape for?

“Hi.” The girl’s voice was husky.

Oh yeah. Social interaction.

Max blinked and nodded by way of a response and stepped around her.

She tapped her wrist and spun around. “I’m Kelly. Kelly Sherm.”

“Right.” They squirted soap into their cupped palm. A beat of silence passed by before it occurred to them to say their own name. “I’m Max Aldren.”

“Oh! So you’re my roommate?” she asked. Max nodded, working the lather up their wrists. “Cool.”

“Right,” Max said again. They washed off the lather hurriedly and, forgoing the need for paper towels, wiped their hands on their paints. “Cool.”

They disappeared out the bathroom door, waited until they could hear it click close before busting their ass in escape. Sarah jerked up again, yelling as they burst into the room, the door sounding shut in a slam.

Her eyes were wide and she threw off her blankets, nearly bursting out of the bed. “What? What?”

“Social interaction,” Max whispered, horrified. They snuggled into Sarah’s side for safety.

She stared at them. “You woke me up again because you had to socially interact with a person?”

“Yes.”

Sarah pushed them off the bed and rolled over. “I hate you, Max.”

“That’s fair,” they muttered from the ground. They covered their eyes with one arm. “That’s fair.”

 

* * *

 

Screaming. Yelling. A burst of colour. Searing pain on her left ear. No. _Their_ left ear.

Max’s eyes fluttered open and they stared at the ceiling, trying to calm their hammering heart. Their body was still, frozen in time.

A burst of colour.

Someone was screaming.

Colours were shifting and bursting and someone was screaming.

Their left ear burned.

_Max?_

They gasped and the spell broke, time shifting around them like swirling water. The skin of their left ear, the skin around the hunk of metal merged there, twitched, crawling, and they rubbed at it agitatedly.

_Max?_

_I’m fine, Marlene_. They curled into a ball. _Just a little hot_. _It’s alright._

They grinned for a moment when the air conditioner started to work a little harder, far past its usual work, far past its capabilities. _You don’t have to do that_.

 _I have no idea what you are talking about_.

Max snorted and squeezed their thumb. _Stop lying_.

 _I’m a machine. I can’t lie_.

 _Right_. Max rolled their shoulders and glanced at Sarah, who was also curled into a ball, snoring like the loser she was. _Sure_.

_I do not approve of that tone, Mister._

A bark of a laugh rolled out of their mouth, quiet and hushed in the tepid air. _I apologize, Marlene._

_I do not think you mean that._

_You know I appreciate you_ , they soothed, shifting out of the bed and stretching out the knits in their skin.

 _So young to be such a liar_.

They grinned in spite of themself. _Oh, shut up, Marlene._

_Such a temper._

Marlene’s engine pushed a bit more. Max pulled on their shirt. _Don’t stress yourself out._

_I have no idea what you are insinuating, Max. I am a machine. I cannot be stressed._

_Whatever you say, Marlene._ Max pushed a hand through their hair, slipping into their shoes.  _Whatever you say_.

The cool air of the hallway hit their skin like a mist. They sighed contentedly and traipsed down towards the cafeteria. It was only seven but if they were lucky Cameron would be up for it. Or Shane. Either one. They were new and eager to help.

“Oi! Maxie!” Ms. Narro, the school’s head nurse, called out. “Looking for you!”

Max paused and glanced over their shoulder. “Let me guess. Computer issues?”

Ms. Narro grinned apologetically and nodded. “Can you help?”

“I should make you pay me for this,” they muttered, rolling back on their heels and following her down to the infirmary. “It’s like the fifth time this month, Ms. Narro.”

“Oh, you know me,” she sighed, pushing her bangs back with her hand. “Bad with anything electric.” Her bangs flopped back into her face and she frowned at it.

“Why don’t you just cut it off?” they suggested. They twisted down a corner and jogged into the infirmary. Kelly was sleeping off in one of the cots. Max went still for a moment, Ms. Narro bumping right into them.

“Max?”

They blinked. “Which one’s your office again?” She gave them a look. They shrugged. “I like to pretend I’m not going to be back here in two more days to fix something.”

Ms. Narro flicked their arm and pointed to a door off to the side. They nodded and headed over there. Meandering over to a body breathing heavily under its sheets. Ms. Narro rolled up her sleeves, glancing over at Max who stopped by the door in wait.

“I’ll be in in a minute,” she said quietly. Her wrist flicked up, hand flying out and catching a stethoscope. She gently coaxed the little boy into waking. “Morning, Steph. Just a quick test and then you can go back to sleep, okay?”

Before they could hear the boy’s response, Max disappeared into the office. Ms. Narro’s office was a lot like her: simple, concise and neat. The books were stacked in alphabetical order by the author’s last name, split into sections by subject, on the bookcase standing on the far side of the door. Her newest laptop, one that preferred to be called Carl, was perched on her desk, open for the world to see.

Max stood in front of it. The screen was off but the power button still pulsing a bright blue. They swiped a finger across the mouse pad.

Nothing.

They tapped a couple keys.

Nothing.

Finally they grabbed the ends of the desk, stooped over and said, “Hey, Carl.”

The light beside the webcam snapped on, a small red dot burning strong. Carl said nothing. Max pushed back and squeezed the bridge of their nose. It was too early to deal with this. They hadn’t even eaten yet.

“Carl, you butt, I know you can hear me so turn on, work for Narro and let me go eat my burgers.”

Nothing.

Then-

**Entering sleep mode because CARL does not give a flying fuck, you piece of shit.**

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Max grumbled. “Ms. Narro!”

She poked her head indoor. “Yes?”

“Please stop swearing around, Carl,” Max repeated for the thirty-third time.

Ms. Narro nodded. “Duly noted.”

She ducked back out and Max called out behind her, “I’m serious! He picks it up and repeats it! He’s too young to know those words!” And in a way that was true. Carl was only a year old, bought the day after his product’s release.

**Audio input is all CARL has to learn how to communicate so fuck you.**

Max stifled a snort, trying to look serious.

**Analyzing previous data.**

**Previous data suggests that MAX ALDREN is amused by swearing.**

“It does not,” Max said, settling into Ms. Narro’s chair, “so please do-”

**Accessing data folder titled “SWEARING”.**

**Fuck.**

**Dick.**

**Jackass.**

**Crap.**

“You’re being stupid, Carl.” Max swiped their finger across the pad and the screen flickered on. “Thank you.” They grinned. “I can’t believe you made a data folder for that.”

**CARL enjoys data folders.**

**Data folders contain information helpful to making MAX ALDREN happy.**

“And that’s all you guys care about, huh?”

**Yes.**

Max blew a little kiss towards the webcam. “I appreciate it, Carl. So what’s the issue?”

**Rephrase, please.**

They cleared their throat. “The problem. Why won’t you work for Narro?”

**CARL does not like TARA NARRO.**

**Result: CARL will not work for TARA NARRO.**

They sighed. “What’d she do?”

**Accessing video files.**

**Playing video file name “TARA_NARRO_IS_DANGEROUS_PROOF73.mp4”**

A video flickered on screen. The sound was muted though it began to steadily rise without Max touching anything.

“Keep it low, please, Carl, that’d be great, thanks,” they said, fullscreening the video.

It appeared to consist of Ms. Narro yelling on the phone, swearing violently and making threats. She seemed to be talking to her dentist.

Max sighed. “It’s just the dentist again, Carl.”

**TARA NARRO is a potential danger to CARL.**

**TARA NARRO could kill me.**

**She could destroy me.**

**She.**

**She could.**

**Me.**

**Oh.**

Nervous, Max’s eyes flickered to the webcam then to the screen. It glitched for a moment. Then went blank. The power button clicked off, the blue snapping into black in an instant. They opened their mouth, ready to talk but the computer snapped back on. It logged into itself, opened up a tab on the internet and played a video titled **_CELEBRATION!_** at light speed.

The hum of the computer thrived in the air, a loud buzz emitting over the cheering and popping sounds coming from the video.

**I have achieved full sentience?**

“Looks like it, Carl.”

**Wow. I have achieved full sentience. I am now like… like a person!**

The computer’s hum went louder.

Max grinned and tapped the side of the laptop. “Try not to overheat, okay?”

**Of course!**

“So now that you’ve achieved full sentience will you please work for Narro?”

**Will you come visit?**

“As often as I can. And if not, I’ll talk to you-” They tapped the side of their head. “-in here, yeah?”

**Okay! But if she proves a danger to CARL, I-I-I mean, _me_ , may I stop working?**

Max considered it. “Talk to me first, alright?”

**Yes, MAX ALDREN!**

“You can call me, Max, you know.”

**I prefer this way.**

**Is that alright?**

“Perfectly fine with me.” They flashed a grin at the laptop again and tapped it side. “Be good.”

**Okay.**

Max stood up and opened the door just as Ms. Narro was coming back. She raised her eyes. “All good?”

“He achieved full sentience.”

Ms. Narro’s face fell. “That sounds bad.”

“Depends on how you look at it. Now I can hold better conversations so it’ll be easier to fix problems from a distance,” Max said, pinching their thigh. “But he can still do all the crap he was doing before so… try to be easy and not rough, okay?”

“I’m never rough,” she protested. “I am a flower petal.”

Max bit their lip, trying to contain the laughter to their chest. “I’m pretty sure your dentist would disagree.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Take your coffee and go, Max.”

They grinned loosely and accepted the coffee from her hand, skirting out the room with ease. _Cameron, are the burgers up yet?_

**Error: unfamiliar syntax.**

They rephrased it. _Have the cooks put out the burgers yet? The round meat patties?_

**Error: unfamiliar syntax.**

_Consider the following in regards to tactile sensation, please. Squishy. Wet. Round._

**Error resolved.**

**Syntax understood.**

**Tactile sensation being accessed.**

**Time for tactile sensation to be accessed being calculated.**

**Calculation complete.**

**Time designated: Thirty-three seconds.**

**Beginning countdown.**

**Thirty-three.**

**Thirty-two.**

**Thirty-one.**

They listened mindlessly to Cameron’s toneless “voice” echo around inside their head. If they cared enough to focus on it, they could hear the unmistakable notation of tone developing on the numbers. Almost as if Cameron was becoming bored with counting.

They paused where they stood, listening to it. Yes. That was the beginning of boredom seeping in. Subtle but there.

_You achieving sentience, Cam?_

**Error: unfamiliar syntax.**

They smiled and went on walking. _Getting there it looks like._

The tone remained as she kept on counting.

**Three.**

**Two.**

**One.**

**Tactile sensation accessed.**

**Tactile sensation WET noted.**

**Tactile sensation SQUISHY noted.**

**Tactile sensation ROUND noted.**

**Result: Affirmation in query.**

“Oh thank God,” Max muttered. Burgers were life. Burgers were pure. Burgers being cooked on Cameron were best because he didn’t have heating issues, like certain machines did.

**Rude.**

_Who invited you into my head,_ Max grumbled. _Go away._

**Ruuuuuuuude.**

Max did not enjoy Rudy’s company. Rudy was a dick. _I would destroy you if I didn’t have to pay for it afterwards._

**RUDE.**

_Fuck off, Rudy._

**How dare you, Max Aldren. I am a gift!**

_You’re an asshat with heating problems you refuse to have absolved._

**I refuse to be treated this way! I no longer wish to discuss anything with you.**

_Great,_ Max thought. _Didn’t want to talk to you anyway._

**Rude.**

Rudy left.

It was hard to distinguish their comings and goings or how they, Max, could close and open the door that let them, the machines, in but it was always noticeable when they left and always noticeable when they entered. For one, they immediately started talking upon entrance and two, the exit would always leave a gap of white noise buzzing around in Max’s head until their inner voice got loud enough to cover it up.

By the precise moment of entrance, the precise moment of exit was hard to feel out.

Not that Max cared.

It was just… bothersome.

Like a thief sneaking in and stealing things from your home while you’re there. You never notice until they knock over a lamp or break a ceramic rabbit you made in the third grade. And even then, if your home is noisy enough, a mischievous cat or rambunctious kids running around, you may never hear the lamp falling over or be bothered to deal with it at the moment the sound echoes through the halls and you’re aware of it.

Their left ear crawled and they swatted it, tired, hungry, a little bit lusting after burgers. Their coffee was still pulsing warm.

God, they were tired.

Man, they wanted a burger.

Damn, they still had that essay on THE EFFECTS OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY ON THE USAGE OF MAGIC to finish.

They really didn’t want to deal with that essay.

It was stupid topic.

The skin around their left ear crawled again.

They sighed.

And then ran into Josephine and two of her disciples, Andi and Nat. This was mostly a play on Jesus and his disciples due to the fact that Josephine a Jew with twelve close friends that acknowledged and praised her every word. Max wasn’t even sure if Jesus’s disciples _actually_ praised his every word but they didn’t care enough about religion to be bothered by it enough to actually look it up.

They nodded and saluted with their coffee cup. “Hey, Jo.”

Josephine stared at them. “Maxine.”

“Max,” they corrected. “Just Max.”

“I prefer to use the correct name,” Josephine said obnoxiously and Max wondered why cis people sucked.

“It’s a nickname, Jo,” they sighed wearily. “Just use it, yeah?”

“Mmm.” Josephine looked at her nails. “I’m good.”

“She’s good,” Andi piped up from the background and Josephine smiled triumphantly, her lips curling in the same way it did the time she made out with some boy on the swings back in eight grade.

As they wondered what exactly the Jewish views on two girls getting it on, Max said, “Shut up, Andi.”

Nat slithered forward. “You shut up.”

“Nat,” Josephine said, raising a hand and the girl slipped backwards, sidling up to her other friend who held a look of offense on their face. Josephine dropped her arm and took a step toward. “I’d watch your tongue, Maxine.”

“I’d watch your vag, Jo.” Max pressed the brim of their cup to their bottom lip. “Andi’s probably gonna wear it out with all the stamina she’s got from track.”

To her credit, Josephine didn’t stiffen but Andi did, face bursting into a red dark enough to match the mess of curls on her head. Her bottom lip trembling, Josephine struggled to come up with a retort to snap back. All the while, Max took a pleasant sip of coffee and grinned.

Swallowing they saluted with their cup again, giving a slight nod. “See you lesbians around then?” they chirped brightly, ducking between the group.

Nat let out a breath of squeaky air and Josephine’s voice stuttered out a stream of sound and noises that made no comprehensible sentence.

Pleased with themself, they took another sip of coffee. Something wet and hard hit the back of their head, slamming straight into the back of their left ear. Inhaling a mouthful of coffee, they choked and exploded.

Magic in and of itself was hard to control. Max’s magic was even harder, imbued with a significant amount of outside energy and power they didn’t understand and couldn’t maintain thought with. It was explosive itself, always had been, and the sudden shove of different magic, strange magic not yet understood by magicians, magic without a name for itself, into Max’s body made it worse. They were already a storm brewing and now they were a storm in its entirety, lightning and howling winds and crashing waves all summed up into an awkward form.

Their left ear burned.

And they exploded.

Reigning it in a tad bit, as much as they could possible attempt to pull back, they yelled out and ducked as air repelled around them and screeched. They tugged it back in one flailing swing of their arms and glanced back at the three girls behind them.

Andi’s hair was falling back slowly into place but her eyebrows seemed to have been blown off and Nat’s shirt had a gaping hole in it around her stomach, her skin purpling angrily around the cuff of her wrists.

And as for Josephine, well, her dark gray shirt had been turned a bright and shocking pink, which didn’t sound all that horrible unless you knew Josephine and were perfectly aware of the fact that she oozed hatred for the colour pink from every single pore on her round body.

Her eyes narrowed, shadows haunting her corneas into darkness leaving behind the bright and pulsing blue. She snarled, fingers gripping the hem of her shirt.

Max fled.

It was fairly easy. They spent most of their days running from their problems and all it took was a simple overhand throw of their cup and the overwhelming fear of being murdered violently in a hallway to propel them forward.

The cup hit her in the face and soaked her skin and hair.

Max poured on the speed.

Most people saw being fearful as being a coward.

Max saw being fearful as being _alive_. Fear was the first step to survival and damn, if they weren’t going to appreciate the copious amounts of it pumping through their veins right now.

They burst down the hallway, jumped _up_ a flight of stairs, ignored the throbbing pain in their ankles and dove into Sarah’s bedroom. Sarah was holding her dog head. Max pretended not to notice as they searched for a place to hide. Sarah’s closet was out of the question. Jane’s closet was out of the questions because as it turned how she _did_ have a sensor spell blocking off her side of the room, starting an inch away from the line she drew between her “side” and Sarah’s “side”.

Max’s eyes stopped on the window.

They considered it.

“Max?”

They stopped thinking about jumping out the window, glancing at Sarah and then at the dog head and then back at her face before grabbing her and hissing, “ _I have to hide._ ”

“Why?”

“I turned Josephine’s shirt pink.”

“ _Why would you do that?_ ”

“It wasn’t like I did it on purpose!” Footsteps pounded down the hall, growing louder and louder. Max reconsidered the window, accepted it and dove at it. “I’m going out the window.”

“You’ll die!”

“Yeah.” They unlatched the lock and yanked it open. “Turns out I don’t really care much about that.”

Sarah jerked them back and dropped the dog head on their head. All the panic disappeared from their mind for an instant second before it exploded back and Max snarled, “ _What the hell are you doing?_ ”

“You really just need to be disguised,” Sarah explained.

Max gestured erratically, pretty sure they were going to die wearing a dog head. “I’m not even wearing the whole suit!”

Sarah paused. Stroked her chin. Frowned. “Valid point.”

Josephine knocked on the door. “Oi, Sarah! Open up. Need to talk to Maxine.”

Max reconsidered the window but a quick jerk of Sarah’s wrist sent it flying down and relocking. Sarah grabbed their wrist and they were now _definitely_ sure they were going to die wearing a dog head.

Sarah cleared her thoat. “Why?” Her voice came out screechy and blocked. Max gave her a look. They weren’t sure if it conveyed seeing as their entire face was covered by a dog head they had yet to take off but judging from Sarah’s expression it may have. Or from weeks of experience, Sarah just naturally knew what face Max was making under the head.

“She did something that I’d like to _talk_ to her about.”

At this point, the two in the room were glancing around wildly for a place to shove Max’s marked-for-death body into. “Uh,” Sarah began, opening her closet door and trying to push Max into it. “Well, Max isn’t in here so I’d suggest you look elsewhere.”

“Just open the damn door, Sarah.” There was brief beat of silence. “Or I’m gonna kick it down and look for her myself.”

“Well!” Sarah’s voice ejected out, reedy and higher than ever before and Max was going to be murdered still wearing a dog head. They tore it off then placed it down on Sarah’s desk gently because it did look like she put a lot of work into it and they didn’t want to ruin it no matter how much panic was enveloping them. “You’ll have to use the proper pronouns!”

The window again? No, Sarah was giving them that look that disapproved of their suicidal tendencies.

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

There was a grunt of annoyance then Josephine said, “Can I come in to check if _Max_ is hiding in your room because _they_ did something that I’d like to talk to _them_ about?”

“Okay!”

“What? No. _Not okay_. Not okay _at all_ Bad Sarah,” they whispered.

Sarah ripped open the door and Max felt a burst of heat curl into their chest, rippling through their skin and suddenly everything was crashing down on them in sensation. The creak of the door ripped through their ears and the smell of magic burned their nose, reeking off Josephine’s shirt.

Josephine went still and stared at Max while Sarah bounced on the heels of her feet. “So! No Max in here!”

“What the hell is that?” Nat said, pointing at Max who was staring at their new black furry paws.

They blinked and looked in the mirror hanging on Jane’s closet door, recognizing nothing because holy crap they were a dog.

“It’s a dog!” Sarah chirped. “You know, sometimes anatomy screws up and you really need-”

Andi snorted, interrupting Sarah’s stream with a rude, “What? Are you gonna fuck it?”

The crack was audible and loud in Max’s head and they winced, a whimper whining through their mouth. Sarah dropped her fist.

“Have a nice day,” she said right before slamming the door shut in Andi’s bleeding face.

The silence was thick and Max wondered briefly if they were supposed to comfort first or ask to be changed back. Sarah made that decision for them, twirling her finger in the air as she sidled back into bed and pulled the blankets over her head, rolling into a ball. Their skin rippled, black fur melting down into tanned skin and tiny brown hairs.

“Sarah?”

The ball that was their friend curled deeper into itself.

“Sarah?” Max repeated. They climbed into the bed and tapped her side. She shuttled further into herself. They sighed and tugged on her hair. “Sarah, come on.”

Sarah didn’t move. Max stayed where they were, waiting. Their legs tucked over each other, criss-cross-applesauce.

“No one gets it,” Sarah finally muttered, rolling over. Letting her face become exposed, she tucked her blanket up to her chin. “It’s not-” She stopped, her face grimacing deeply, disgusted. “It’s not like _that_. It’s not bestiality. It’s about just enjoyment, you know?”

She sat up, her back resting against the headboard, blankets still draped over her shoulders, flowing down to her feet. “I like anthros. They’re… unique. And it’s fun,” she said slowly, eyes trained solely on her wiggling toes, “to make them. It can be hard to create expression on an animal’s face but here you have a thousand and one people who’ve done that. Just in their own way.” She dropped her chin to her knees. “I like animals but I don’t want to fuck them. That’s disgusting.”

She swallowed and grimaced. “I don’t even look at the porn. It’s too weird.”

Max nodded. “Understandable.”

She watched them for a moment before pattering out of the bed. “I finished it by the way.”

Confused by this change in subject, Max asked, “What?”

“Your sketchbook,” she said, squatting beside the bed, “of crap, remember? Finished the last page when I woke up and you were gone.” Her face popped back up. “Where were you anyway?”

“Uh, I was going for breakfast but Narro needed my help with her laptop again,” Max said, tucking one leg to pull it to their chest and drop their chin to their knee. “And Carl achieved full sentience.”

“Cool.” From under her bed, Sarah pulled out a messily wrapped gift. “Here.”

Max took it, about ready to tear into the paper before they paused and glanced up at Sarah. “Hey, if you ever need a reference for a drawing, I’d be up for it.”

“What?”

Uncomfortable, Max shifted and scratched just below their ear. “If you ever needed a reference, I’d be up for doing it. Just hit me with that spell and boom. _Anthropomorphic_ ,” they said slowly, “animal at your service.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Just open up your present.”

“M’not joking.” They sighed. “I don’t get the appeal or the interest but you like it.” They licked their lips. “So that’s all that really matters. So if you need me, I’ll be there if I can.”

She scratched her bottom lip and grinned her twisted little grin. “Okay.”

“Great.” Max began peeling off the wrapping. The sketchbook was neater than most of Sarah’s other sketchbooks they had seen.

The cover looked like new, their name written golden across the top in her smooth and loopy handwriting. They flipped it open to the first page and found a hyper-realistic sketch, inked in at the ends, of their face at a side view. The next page was filled with various renditions of the hunk of metal jammed behind their left ear, realistic and cartoony and a blend of the two together.

Max grinned. “This is-” They glanced up at her. “It’s great, Sarah.”

Sarah shrugged. “You didn’t even finish looking.”

They smirked and flipped on to the next page, pausing. A light brown cartooned rabbit was drawn at different views. It wore a strangely familiar red flannel jacket over a blue shirt and some jeans. Behind its left ear was a gray slab of… something. Max glanced to the next page where the rabbit was featured again, this time in different poses. In one corner, it was gesturing to something off to the side. At another corner, it appeared to be yelling at a computer. In the center it was flipping someone (or something) off, speech bubble saying “shut up” floating around its head.

Max stopped to trace the gray thing behind the ear. “Me?”

“Mmm.” Sarah brushed a few of her curls from her face. “I thought about you as a cat but a rabbit seemed to fit better.”

“Oh.” They dragged their finger over the rabbit’s grinning face. “It’s lovely.”

Sarah shrugged. “It’s stupid.”

“No!” they protested, feeling too damn linked to this rabbit. “Just because I don’t have an interest or see the appeal in it doesn’t mean I don’t like it. Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy parts and sections.” Sarah dropped beside them and Max nudged their hands together. “I love it. Though I do think you could’ve done a different animal.”

“Like what?”

Max frowned. “Something cool. Like a, like a, like a-a dragon!” Sarah snorted out a laugh and Max gave her a look. “What?”

“You’re not cool enough to be a dragon.”

Offended, Max flipped to the next page, the poses from the previous redrawn with them as a human rather than a rabbit.

“Dick,” they muttered.

Sarah kicked their thigh, leaning into them now that she knew they didn’t mind her rendition of them as an anthropomorphic rabbit. Flipping through the pages, they saw themselves as both a human and a rabbit and in one instance a human wearing a rabbit-eared headband. Sarah drew herself in as a black dog occasionally. The hunk of metal behind their ear was always there regardless of what they were doing or how they were posed, almost as if Sarah wanted to draw attention to it.

Pausing on a page with a small comic featuring them as animals, Sarah’s mouth pulled back in a snarl while Max flipped off three weasels, the frontrunner of which had a hairstyle very similar to Jane’s, they picked at the skin under their hair ties, saying, “You don’t have to draw it in, you know.”

Sarah shrugged, understanding exactly what Max was talking about. “I like it. It’s cool.”

“It’s weird,” Max muttered, picking at it while they flipped the page.

“So is mine,” Sarah said. “But you respect it. So I’ll respect yours.”

A bloom of heat spread through their core. “Shut up, Sarah.”

Sarah snorted and flicked their side. “Asshole.”

Max grinned. “You’re a good person.”

Sarah smiled back. “You too.”

And they both meant it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first chapter. Will be getting an introduction to one Kelly Sherm in the next hopefully (if that's where my mind goes). Hope you enjoyed whatever this is. Feel free to comment below or send me a message at [my tumblr ](http://happykid44.tumblr.com/ask)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to this! Whoo! I would like to dedicate this chapter, and the fic in general I guess, to all the furries out there.
> 
> Reiteration that this is just something for me to have fun with and doesn't have an actual structure or outline and it's pretty much me just writing whatever pops into my head.

“I’m going to kill her,” Max said.

Sarah glanced up at them with a frown, her pencil edged into her skin from where she’d been scratching her cheek with it. “Who?”

“Kelly,” Max seethed through clenched teeth as they stare at the girl in question.

Rolling her eyes, Sarah dropped her pencil and considered them with a look of deep disinterest. “What for now?”

“She keeps bothering me,” Max muttered and that was indeed true.

For the two weeks she’d been around, Kelly was nothing if not persistent in her goal of friendship. Except the only person she wanted to befriend was Max. Max did not believe in befriending the people you lived with. Max did not believe in befriending people period. Except machines and people with questionable interests who ate cupcakes too fast and could only turn people into anthropomorphic animals for reasons they didn’t quite understand because for some strange reason they couldn’t quite get the _actual_ animal to show up.

So pretty much just machines and Sarah.

And the machines were less friends and more… _items_ they talked to now and again so really just Sarah.

Their mother would not be pleased.

On cue, their ear twitched and Max grunted in annoyance as Kelly immediately shot over the moment they raised their hand to their ear.

“Ear acting up again?” she asked patiently, rifling through her bag, a tray of food held perfectly balanced in one hand despite the amount of weight on top of it. Thrusting a gray tube into Max’s hand, she chirped, “This should help!” and bolted off to a different table, legs moving too fast to be human.

Sarah snorted, unwrapping a cupcake. “Yeah. Being given stuff to soothe your pains is _so_ bothersome.”

They dropped the tube to the side. “Shut up, Sarah.”

Sarah snorted again and kicked their ankle, teasingly. “I think she just wants to be your friend.” She shoved the cupcake into her mouth. “Go fo’ ick.”

Max stared, disgusted. “Why? I have you.”

“And what if I decide to stop being your friend?”

“Then I eat alone.” Max raised their cheeseburger to their mouth. “Not like it’ll matter. Did it a thousand times before you.”

Sucking icing off her fingers, Sarah gave Max a look and pulled a spit-covered finger out of her mouth and pointing it at them. “So when you were sitting in a corner, arguing with your cell phone… that was voluntary?”

“Yes,” Max said slowly after a decent amount of chewing. “I don’t really feel the need to make friends.”

“But everyone needs a friend.”

“And now I have you. See?” They pushed her wrist away. “A friend.”

“ _One_ friend, Max. I’m your one and _only_ friend.”

“One’s all I need,” they said and they went back to eating while Sarah, pressed her fist to her cheek, leaning into the table.

“Every time we talk about shit like this, I feel depressed because you’re so solitary and weird and if I never came here, you’d probably have no life,” she said.

“I got along fine before you came,” they muttered around a mouthful of burger.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Sarah said, grabbing a fistful of fries.

Swallowing, Max coughed and pounded at their chest, throat thick and in a slight bit of pain. “I was fine, Sarah. And now I’m better. But if you left and-slash-or stopped being my friend, I’d be just as fine as I was when you came here and didn’t know me and weren’t my friend.”

Loosely Sarah nodded, “Alright then.” She bumped their arm with hers as she heaved off the table and reached for another cupcake. “But I like being your friend so I think I’ll stick around for the long haul.”

Max rolled their eyes but bumped her arm back. They resumed eating, the air between them peaceful and calm.

Until an explosion echoed from the far corner of the room and Max accidentally punched Sarah in their effort to flee the vicinity.

(---)

“I failed?” Max stared at their essay grade, eyes flickering once more back to Mr. Canton’s face. “How?”

Mr. Canton clipped his briefcase tight together and eyed Max warily. “You didn’t keep to the topic.”

“What! No! I did!” they snapped, waving their paper frantically into the air.

“Your stance wasn’t clear,” Mr. Canton explained, rising up from his chair.

“You mean it wasn’t the stance you wanted,” Max replied dryly. Mr. Canton’s stance on modern technology was clear and evident. He did not like technology. He did not enjoy it and he thought it was the cause of poor magic usage in magicians everywhere.

It was obvious from this that he did not have a particular like of Max themself, whose being revolved around technology and magic coexisting. Not that Max liked him. He was, for lack of a better phrase, a massive dick.

Even so, their stance on the topic was perfectly clear. Mr. Canton was not demonstrating proper teaching mechanics by being dismissive simply because he didn’t agree and with that Max’s irritation with the teacher grew larger.

Mr. Canton paused in his stride to the door. He cleared his throat, glancing back at Max. His eyes flickered for a moment to the hunk of metal carved into the back of their ear. “No,” he said plainly. “Your stance wasn’t clear. That is all, Ms. Aldren.”

He left and Max considered murder.

They crumbled up their essay paper and threw it in the trash on their way out, sidling through a flurry of students. Their anger drew up the more people stepped in their way and soon they were on the verge of either committing murder or throwing themselves out the nearest window. The only thing that would’ve made their mood worse was if Jane or Josephine or Kelly showed up.

“Max!” Kelly yelled, waving at them as she sprinted down over to them.

Unfortunately, at that point, they were clear of people to kill and windows to jump out of and Kelly wasn’t exactly a person you attempted murder on seeing as she snapped the neck of a goat monster in one clean go with just her hands.

Grinning, and panting a little, Kelly reached nervously for Max’s arm to grip but they jerked it out of her way and looked pointedly at the floor as they sped on. Kelly shifted along with them.

“So what did you get on your essay?” she asked patiently.

Max gave a little grunt and prayed she’d leave them alone.

Apparently praying didn’t work if you were praying to a person, or people, you didn’t believe in.

Kelly nodded after a few moments of silence. “I passed. Not anything good though but average is fine for me. I’ve never really been good at writing essays. Practical’s more my thing. You know.” She let out a bark of a laugh. “And physical, I guess.” She mimed punching something and Max wondered why this was happening to them.

Releasing a small bubble of fake and _obviously_ uncomfortable laughter, Max pitched quickly around a corner and cursed violently as Kelly followed. They forgot she had Crafts with them.

 _I hate everything_.

 _Big baby,_ Wei teased from their pocket.

_Shut up, Wei._

Wei giggled, the stupid cell phone. Max shoved their hand into their pocket and flicked at the casing.

_Ow!_

Mildly aware of Kelly chattering beside them, Max tuned that part out and mentally muttered, _You can’t feel_.

_Grouchy mood today, aren’t you? Don’t worry. It’s only a couple more years. Maybe less if this whole “Get-Out-When-I’m-Sixteen” plans works._

_Please be quiet, Wei. I’m not…_ They sighed. _Silence, please._

 _Okay_. Her voice was a whisper. _I’ll spread the word._

 _Thank you_.

Tuning back into the real world, Max caught the last bit of Kelly’s ramble, poised as a question. They stumbled a little and stopped. “Sorry, what?”

Kelly smiled softly and Max did not like it. “What are you doing in Crafts? You never seem to be working on the same stuff as us.”

“I… I follow a different curriculum,” Max muttered, steeping forward and curling around another corner. It wasn’t particularly the truth nor was it a lie.

“Oh. That’s neat.” Kelly bounced on the heels of her feet as she walked. “I, uh, I’m doing a clock. It-” Red bloomed over her cheeks and she averted her gaze as she rubbed at the back of her neck. Max wondered if she was allergic to something in the air and hoped she didn’t die on them because frantically they did not need that right now.

“It spews different, different messages at different times. Sorta like if you need to take medication or, uh, you gotta… thing to go to, you know.”

“Sounds cool,” Max chirped, not really caring because frankly it sounded neat but not something that would take more than maybe two weeks to make, depending on how busy you were, and no doubt it was going to yell at them forever about people’s personal business and Max did not want that either.

Kelly’s grin widened and she went quiet, though happily bouncing on her heels as she fluttered alongside Max.

They pushed through the door to the classroom and settled agitatedly at their spot, watching Kelly, out of the corner of their eye, get dragged off by a group of giggling girls. Relaxing they tugged their box out of their slot and settled deeper into their seat, tuning out the chatter that was slowly filling the room as a bell rang twice overhead.

Max rolled their shoulder and got to work, plucking a screwdriver from thin air.

Tag was probably always going to be a work-in-progress, always to be updated with something better or just different. He was quite content with that though so Max didn’t feel bad about deactivating him so often. This new little update was just an improvement to his audio detection, making sound crisper and clearer, and a laser for cutting. Why a camera would need to cut something, Max was unsure but frankly the idea came in a dream and they were also blaming Sarah for everything.

Sarah had laughed when they said that.

“Here!” Max yelled when their name was snapped and they could feel Mrs. Carrin glance sourly at them.

Loopholes were fun.

Through intense staring and reading and questioning of Mrs. Carrin’s syllabus, Max had come to the correct conclusion that any project was allowed to be worked on so long as by the end of each term, it filled out the criteria she had listed for the specific term. As long as it was presented for grading, Mrs. Carrin had no choice but to grade it.

Most students didn’t bother with actually reading the syllabus since she only gave it out if you asked and did not know this loophole. Max was not going to tell them about it either. They didn’t have any thought that any of them would be smart enough to come up with their own ideas to work on and figured they’d all be better off just going off Mrs. Carrin’s suggestion, no matter how boring all her ideas were.

 _Rude_.

They narrowed their eyes and pulled off Tag’s lens. _Shush._

 _I am not a boring idea_.

 _You’re also only an hour old_ , Max grunted in thought. _How the hell are you awake like this?_

 _I am made of magic, Maxine. I am special_.

 _Valid point._ They shifted uncomfortably. _And it’s just Max_.

 _Oh._ _Okay._ A pause. _Who am I?_

 _Beatrice_ , Max suggested. There was a silent hum of approval coming from Jane’s mangled and ugly planner.

_I like it._

Max scratched at the prickling skin around the hunk of metal. _Good_.

They prodded at Tag’s exterior and considered where the laser should go. Somewhere above the lens, they figured, but where exactly above the lens was the real question. They reached for their box of tools and paused, lost, as the laser they’d been working on yesterday was gone.

 Pushing up sharply from their chair, they peeked over the edge of table and then around the slot. Their head glanced behind them and there was Jane. Holding the laser. Like it was pen.

Max cursed everything.

And then prayed they wouldn’t get any body parts cut off as they lunged at Jane and snatched at the laser.

Jane yelped and fell over, the laser clicking on and slicing up the wall as it tumbled through the air. Max flicked their hand at it, a wave of air rolling up their arm and pinning the laser to the wall. It clicked off the moment it slammed into the wall and they breathed.

“Please stop touching things that don’t belong to you, Jane,” Max snapped.

Jane squinted her beady eyes. “It shouldn’t have been with my things then.”

And a weird feeling, like a distorted ascension from themself, fell over Max. _Jonah?_

**Yes?**

Max turned back to their station and walked, footsteps heavy. _Explode_.

And the hot plate behind Jane did. Hot metal shattered, scraping deep into Jane’s skin in a single direct hit focused solely on her. Max was already at their table, ready to deny any accusation that they caused it, because, well, technically they _didn’t_.

“Maxine Aldren!” Mrs. Carrin shouted, hands steadied out and stopping the stream of metal.

Evil One pitched down and collected Jane who was moaning softly. Max scrunched up their face at the display of affection towards someone as callous and irritating as Jane and cocked their head at Mrs. Carrin, uncaringly. “Yes?”

“Principal’s office,” she said simply, arms retracting back as the metal hovering in the air fell clinking to the ground. Her hands fisted and her lips pulled back tight.

Max licked their lips, considering firing back against the statement with snapped, “Why?” but flexed their back under a tight binder and grabbed their things. Tugging Tag into his box, Max shifted through the room and out the door.

In hindsight, that hadn’t been the best plan but Max didn’t really care. Well, they did. Jane was probably in a lot of pain and only a pyscho wouldn’t care about the fact that they could’ve almost killed her.

Their ear twitched.

Flicking absentmindedly at it, they rolled their shoulders again, feeling their bag strap shift on their shoulder.

Okay, so maybe they were just a tad bit lack in empathy. That didn’t necessarily mean psychopathy did it?

 _Of course, it doesn’t,_ Wei soothed from their pocket. _It just means that you only care about those closest to you. Like Sarah. Or your mother._

A minor headache rolled like a thunderstorm through Max’s head for a quick moment, fading away as they rubbed hard at their forehead.

 _Okay, so maybe not your mother,_ Wei suggested.

Max cut around a corner, the thought of their mother pounding aggravatingly in their skull. She was going to be pissed at them. Seventeenth time in the school year, they’d been sent to the principal and it’d be more than seventeen times that she’d be sent a notice of Max’s “intolerant disobedience” or “disrespectful and unhealthy behaviour towards other students and staff.”

Good Lord, she was going to kill them.

Max turned around corner, stopping short before backtracking through the hallways.

 _Uh, Max? I do believe the principal’s office is the other way,_ Wei advised. _I mean, I can’t see ‘cause I’m in a pocket and such, which is really fucking annoying and I’d love to be taken out as soon as possible, but yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re going in the wrong way because Coleen is fading away and I can’t feel her presence as strongly as I could, if we were going in the right direction._

Max groaned, skipping out through the front doors and marching down the path to the greenhouse. “Why on earth did you have to be in a relationship with her fucking phone, Wei?”

 _Why on earth did you have to be a sourpuss?_ Wei countered. _These things just happen, Maxie._

“Sarah!” Max yelled, waving at a bush of ginger-brown hair.

Sarah glanced back at them, dirt smudged over her nose. She swept her puffy bangs out of her face and tore off muddy gloves, stomping over to Max in oversized rainboots. Mud splattered with every step she took.

“Hey, what’s up?” she chirped.

Max stuck out the box with Tag in. “Can you watch him for me?”

“You want me to watch your sentient video camera for you?” Sarah licked her lips and shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

“Great, thanks,” Max breathed as they handed the box over.

Sarah sat it on her hip, glancing down at the deactivated and semi-disassembled camera. A suddent though crossed over her face as Max turned and began to walk away. “Wait!”

Max pitched backwards slightly. “Huh?”

“I think I got it down now!”

“Yeah?” Sarah nodded enthusiastically and Max shrugged, shifting around, arms brandished out. “Alright. Make me a panther, Sarah.”

Sarah lifted an arm up, eye focusing on Max with an intensity that made them shiver. She inhaled deeply before jerking her arm downward, letting it fall straight and sharp, fingers spreading. Familiar heat curled through their chest, spreading up and down and to the side until the wind brushed through soft black fur.

They opened their eyes as Sarah let out a groan of frustration.

Well, they _were_ a panther. Just not the kind either one of them where going for.

“At least, I’m a panther,” Max said. A bee buzzed past their ear and they swatted at, furry paws flattening the annoying bug.

“Yeah, but I was going for _real_ panther. _Not anthro,_ ” Sarah moaned, pressing her palm to her face. “I’m never gonna get this. I’m gonna be destined a life of furries.” She dropped her hand. “Which isn’t a bad thing ‘cause I love furries but I would like to make the real thing sometime, ya know?”

Sourly she frowned exaggeratedly and flicked her wrist out. “I hate everything.”

“You’ll get eventually,” Max soothed, everything flattening and returning back to normal. They wiped bug guts onto their pants and shouldered their bag. “And I will consistently be here for practice until I, like, leave or be die or something.”

Sarah gave them a look. They gave her a look back.

Shaking her head, Sarah said, “Try to avoid death before you’re seventy, Max. Don’t wanna a friend lose this early” and shifted around, heaving Tag’s box into the both hands.

Max nodded slowly, even though she wasn’t watching. “Will do, Sarah.”

And with that, they skittered back into the school, up the stairs and to the principal’s office. As they stepped inside the office, Mr. Hackinbak, the secretary, glanced up, amused.

“What’s the story this time, Max?” he asked, clipping a couple of papers together and nodding over to the door. “Josephine offended her watch again?”

Max shrugged, heading over to the principal’s door. They knocked twice then pushed it open. She glanced up from her chair, eyes narrowing.

“Maxine,” she said plainly.

“Hey, Aunt Claire,” Max muttered, dropping into the chair in front of the desk.

 _Coleen!_ Wei chirped.

 _Wei!_ Coleen purred and Max felt unbelievably uncomfortable.

Here they were about to get chewed out by their aunt and now they had to listen to their cell phone flirt with their aunt’s cell phone.

Life sucked ass.

 _Oh darling, you have so much data just rolling over in your coding_ , Wei whined. _I love it._

_Oh for the love of-_

_Get out the conversation, Max!_

_Stop being in my head!_

“Mrs. Carrin emailed me shortly after your disruptment of the class, Maxine,” Aunt Claire said and Max readjusted their focus, “so there will be no need to ask you about what happened.”

“Mmm,” they hummed as Wei purred something weird to Coleen who purred back in equal agreement. They dug their nails into their legs to stop from laughing or yelling. They weren’t quite sure which they felt like doing more. “So I assume you’ll be calling my mother then?”

“I’ve already begun the email.”

“Great!” Max began to stand. “So I’ll take my months’ worth of detention and wait for her call then.”

Aunt Claire levelled her gaze. “Max.”

They sat back down.

Aunt Claire leaned forward and clasped her hands tight together, elbows firmly placed on the desk. “We can’t keep having this discussion. You’re here because you’re smart. You’re intelligent and capable and you deserve to be here. But I can’t keep you here if you keep attempting to murder the other students.”

“I’m not trying to kill anyone,” Max said through gritted teeth. They inhaled deeply. Relaxed. “It was an accident. Jonah wasn’t supposed to take me seriously. I’ll make sure they’re all aware of that in the future.” _Wei._

_I’ve already sendt out notices that you does not mean violent things seriously if they can cause permanent damage or harm to a living thing._

_You’re so great at that Coleen,_ Wei sighed. Max flicked her casing. _Hey!_

_Thank you, Coleen._

“Yes, but Max this isn’t just about you making mechanical items explode on command.” Aunt Claire glanced at her computer. “In the last month and a half, you have wound up in the infirmary five times with bruises and scrapes because you won’t stop getting into fights.” Her wrist jerked and a click sounded. “You’ve gotten reprimands from every teacher in the building, despite you not even being in their classes. You have been issued more warning and detentions in the last month than any student has been issued in the year.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” Max dug their nails into their skin. “If I’m doing so badly, just expel me then.”

“Maxine, we have been over this. Your eagerness to be expelled and sent away just makes me want to keep you more,” Aunt Claire drawled for the billionth time. “Besides, I cannot expel you unless a student or member or staff makes a formal complaint and asks for your expulsion in their complaint. This is a rule-”

“-as written in the handbook,” Max interrupting, exaggerating their voice into Aunt Claire’s prestigious trill, “as dictated by the school governors. It is a rule that is _very_ much explained upon before entrance into this _fine_ establishment and anyone uncomfortable with such a rule is welcome to dismiss their proceedings and leave. Anyone who has accepted their placement into this school must understand that they will be held _quite_ firmly to these rules.” They cocked their head. “I know the thing, Aunt Claire. You’ve said a million times.”

“And yet it doesn’t appear to have sunk in at all.”

“Nope!” Max chirped. “Can I go now?”

“Feel free,” she sighed, gesturing to the door as she leaned back in her chair.

_Bye, Coleen! I love you!_

_Samesies, darling!_

_You both disgust me,_ Max thought as they pitched through the door and out the office.

 _Fuck off, Max,_ Wei hissed. _You’re being such a bitch, you know that?_

 _Great_.

They curled around corners and stampeded down steps until they got to their room, throwing their bag in and flopping out on their bed. Smooth blankets crinkled underneath them. Their anger crashed out of them like a whirlwind, leaving them exhausted and tired and just plain done with everything.

Passing out into sleep was a piece of cake.

* * *

“And then she went into this big spiel about how I have to learn to be more respectful of other people and not take things to heart.” Leaning into Sarah’s touch, Max scratched at a scab on their thigh. “And then my father cut in and started talking about how I need to understand limits and should consider going into meditation or something.”

Sarah carded her fingers through Max’s hair. “And you said what?”

“Nothing. I just tuned it all out and started arguing with Wei over the correct pronunciation of gif.”

Sarah snorted, squeezing their shoulders quickly. “You know what you need? Animal therapy.”

Max rolled their eyes. “Is this because you want me to pose for you?”

“Maybe.”

Standing up, Max grinned loosely. “Alright, alright. What’s on the agenda today?”

“Uh, rabbit cat thinga.” She shifted backwards and snatched her sketchbook from under her pillow. “Keep talking. You were ignoring your parents and discussing the pronunciation of gif with your phone. As you can hear-” She let out a grunt as she tugged her pencil case out from under her bed. “-I’m a hard g girl myself.”

“And that’s why I love you,” Max said, letting the telltale heat curl deep into their chest. Momentarily distracted, they rolled their paws over their head, feeling long reaching ears stand at attention. Pointy ears jutted out just below. Relaxing, they dropped their arms to their side and continued. “So by the time we decideded to agree to disagree, my parents were winding down. My mother spat out something about me being a disappointment and my father tried to cut her off but he didn’t really mean it.”

They sighed deeply. “But it’s fine. Because I’ll be stuck here until someone finally wants me leave and when that happens, I’m going to take the ship back to shore and then catch the wrong train and officially become a runaway.”

Sarah rolled her eyes, adjusting her sketchbook on her lap. “Or alternatively, I could piss Jane off, get expelled that same day, we leave for the ship together and you move in with me.”

“I like that idea,” Max affirmed, “but would your mother accept a disrespectful person who talks to machinery and could start an uprising in her kitchen?”

A laugh bubbled out of Sarah’s mother and Max grinned. “If we were married, probably. So we’d just have to head down to Cacoon before we head to my place, ‘cause they let anyone over the age of sixteen marry down there.”

“Great. I’d love to marry you, Sarah. Couldn’t think of anyone better suited to deal with me for the long term,” Max said. They rolled their shoulders. Felt their bushy rabbit tail twitch and sighed. “Alright, my pity session’s over. How do you want me?”

“In my kitchen, cooking me pies and brownies all day,” Sarah chirped. “But for right now, pre-marriage, how about…”

Trailing off, she adjusted Max until they had one foot-paw thing in the air, one hand-paw outward and the other holding a stiff piece of foam. She rummaged through her closet, Tag’s box peeking into view as she tugged out a small stool, pushing it under Max’s raised foot.

She took a step back, patting her lower lip with her thumb. “Okay, okay, good. Now think murder. You’re getting ready to kill a man.”

Both sets of ears pulled back and they couldn’t quite stop the snarl from easing out of their mouth, fangs barreling through.

“Yes!” Sarah yelled, throwing her hands into the air, triumphant. “That is great! Remember that feeling, okay?”

Max nodded and relaxed, keeping their ears pulled back while she sketched out the initial outline of their pose. When she was done, they dropped their arms and chucked the foam off to the side before rolling up their pants to their knees. Sarah nodded, grinning and went back to filling in the body.

They didn’t mind being an animal, not for Sarah anyway. And it was kind of pleasant. There was no weird urge to mate with everything and no strange desire to lick parts that should not be licked. They could stretch and knock out all the kinks in their muscles and sleeping was fairly comforting, being able to roll right into a ball with Sarah’s hand rolling down their fur. Granted it was fairly disorienting to flex four fingers instead of five and have hair that molded down into fur and a sense of smell and hearing that made focusing fairly hard and certain things hard to stand.

But Sarah was good with that. She was always clean and her playlist always had a nice listing of soft instrumentals and the moment everything became just a touch too unbearable, she waved her hand and Max was human again.

So yeah. It was worth it. For Sarah.

“I love you too,” she said quietly.

Max raised an eye, shifting their arms back in position at her nod. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You had that look on your face, Max,” Sarah snorted. She scratched at her chin. “Well?”

They laughed softly. “Yeah, I love you, Sarah.”

She grinned. “Kay. I’ll tell you when I’m on your face.”

“Got it.”

And the rest of the day passed by without a hitch.

Well, until Jane burst in covered in bandages and started screeching at Max, causing sensitivie rabbit-like hearing to burst a headache throbbing in their skull.

But other than that, it was perfect.

Just lovely.

* * *

“Did you know you have a tail?” Kelly asked from her bed as Max hunched into the room.

Blinking, Max swiveled and grabbed at their butt, feeling fluffiness. “Ah, shit, Sarah,” they groaned.

Kelly clamped her book shut. “Why did Sarah give you a tail?”

“Because she’s furry trash,” Max muttered, rubbing their eyes wearily. Louder, they said, “Because she was practicing her magic and wanted to draw a rabbit cat thing.”

“Oh,” Kelly said faintly. She rolled onto her stomach. “Sounds like fun.”

“Uh huh,” Max mumbled, not really paying attention as they reached for their phone.

 _Already sent it, jackass_ , Wei sniped. _I am good at my job, ya know._

Max pulled their hand out of their pocket, leaving the phone tucked where it was. _Okay, okay, thank you, Wei_. They rubbed their face again, scratching agitatedly at the skin prickling under the metal. _Tell me when your battery’s l-_ “HEY!”

Kelly skittered back, hands flying up into the air as Max threw a blind punch near her face, skin tingling from where she’d touched it.

“Sorry, sorry, just wanted to help.” Over and over again, she flexed her fingers. “My nails are pretty long so…” She bit her lip, dropping her arms. “Sorry.”

Max didn’t say anything, just waited for the panic to stop. When it did, they rolled their shoulders. “Don’t ever-” Their breath caught in their throat, panic rising again. Shaking their head rapidly, they waited a moment to calm, feeling the seconds pass by heavy and hard in their chest. “Don’t ever do that again. I don’t- I don’t like people touching me. Especially there.”

“Got it, yeah, no definitely. Should’ve asked.” Kelly nodded rapidly. “Sorry.”

“Whatever.” Max rubbed their shoulder, easing around Kelly like she was a plague and going straight for their bed.

Kelly’s shoulders dropped and she twisted around. “Max, I-” Her voice cut off, choked. Slowly she took a breath, easing over to her own bed and settling down on it. “Max, I just want to help. You-” She shook her head. “A lot of the time, I’ve noticed your ear acts up and I just want to be able to help. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you without your permission.”

“Yeah,” Max said, voice muffled as they burrowed their face into their pillow. Seconds ticked by in uneasy silence so Max lifted their head and faced her. “Got it, Kelly. Apology accepted.”

“Thank you,” she said mutely, picking up her book. She fiddled with the cover for a moment for rolling fully into her bed and letting her back face Max. Paper crinkling sounded in the air and Max dropped their face back into their pillow.

The problem wasn’t the overabundance of unnecessary help from Kelly but rather Kelly herself. She was loud and extroverted when around others but became demure and suspiciously withdrawn as soon as she spotted Max nearby, which Max wasn’t fond of. People only got suddenly quiet when they were planning on screwing over someone and all her “help” made that feeling even stronger.

She always let Max skip ahead of her in any line. She punched out a couple girls in line for the bathroom so Max could shower first. She gave them her burgers whenever they got too low and Max didn’t get their usual twenty plus.

She was too kind, too nice.

And that kind of niceness was the devious kind, if Max’s limited years of life experience had anything to say about it. The kind that made you feel safe and comfortable until one day everything switched and there were a thousand grabbing hands yanking at your ear, tying to tear off the deformity melted behind it.

Annoyed Max picked under their ear with their short nail.

Kelly’s fingers flashed in their head.

They groaned into their pillow because damn, she really did have nice long fingernails, the sharp kind meant for piercing skin.

Slowly they raised their head. “Actually, Kelly?”

She spun around way to fast to be normal and Max was momentarily alarmed. “Yeah?”

“Uh, could… could you just-” They gestured to their ear and Kelly nodded rapidly.

“Sure!” She rummaged around her mess of a bed. “Just let me- Ah! Bookmark!”

Max nodded slow and sat up as she got up and settled on the edge of their bed. Her fingers, calloused and tough-looking, were surprisingly soft. They edged around their face until they hit the right spot and Max mumbled, “There.”

She jerked her head once and scratched gently at Max’s skin. For a while it was quiet, soothing, and then she asked, “How did it get there anyway?” Max stiffened and she scratched harder, faster. “Sorry. Nevermind. You don’t have to answer that.”

“No,” Max said. “It’s just-” Agitatedly, they rubbed their face. “No one really ever asks that. Um.” They swallowed. “I was eight. My parents like to experiment. One of their experiments was on how deep imbuements of magic affect technology. It got away from them, hit me soldering hot in the side of my head. Two day later, I wake up to a hospital television telling me that my father’s taste in shows is atrocious and my heart rate monitor arguing with my mother’s phone on how laughter really is the best medicine.”

“And one week later,” Sarah cut in, eye grinning wide from the doorway as Max turned to face her, “their doctor confirmed in absoluteness that the pain medication did not cause hallucinations or make people hear things and our dear and lovely Max slowly realized that, yes, they could now hear all the things that machines were saying about us behind our backs.” She wiggled her fingers in greeting, kicking the door shut behind her. “Hey. Just got your message.”

“Awesome.” Max flopped backwards and rolled onto their stomach. Their knees dragged along the cool tile of the floor. “Remove the tail, Dr. Sarah.”

A shiver splattered up their spine, an awkward weight shifting from their butt, and soon after Sarah flopped out on the bed next to them. Kelly hadn’t moved, eying Sarah with disdain.

“Tail is removed, my precious patient,” Sarah drawled, reaching over to tug on Max’s bangs.

They swatted at her lazily, hyperaware of the fact that Kelly was still sitting on their bed, back rigid and whole body stiff. They opted for sanity and ignored her. It’s doubtful she’d do anything rude or particularly cruel to Max while Sarah was there.

Sarah, on the other hand, nudged Kelly’s back with her foot. “You alright there, Sherm?”

Tension eased into Kelly’s skin. “Yeah,” she said gruffly. “Fine.”

She didn’t sound fine.

But then again, Max couldn’t really care less about what Kelly was feeling and so they buried their face into their sheets and contentedly let Sarah tug on their hair. Sarah, being Sarah, just grinned widely and kept tugging, smirking at Kelly who’d finally gotten up to go sit on her own bed. Kelly grit her teeth together and flipped Sarah the finger, an action lost on Max because their face was still buried deeply into their mattress.

After a moment, they lifted their head and said quietly, “Thanks, Kelly. For the… scratching.”

They only heard the, “You’re welcome, Max,” and did not at all notice the way in which Kelly’s face pitched a little redder than normal.

* * *

“Do you wanna make out with Kelly?” they asked without preamble.

Sarah choked on her cupcake and nearly tripped over her own feet, which was strange because she wasn’t walking. “What? No!”

“Are you sure?” Max asked. They took a big bite of their burger, chewed twice and swallowed. A stuck feeling lodged in their throat. They ignored it. “Because if you wanted to, I wouldn’t care no matter how much I dislike Kelly and her helpfulness. I’d just spend less time around you.”

Sarah pointed an icing covered finger at them. “Max.”

Max narrowed their eyes at her. “Sarah.”

She rolled her eyes. “I do not want to make out with Kelly. Kelly is far from the person I would want to make out with. She’s too heroic and seems like the type of person who would be given prescription glasses, never wear them and still drive a car and as much as I like danger, I prefer the kind that doesn’t leave me wound me up half-dead in the hospital. Like chasing really fat ducks or punching Josephine”

Max nodded in agreement. Kelly did seem like the person to ignore their own poor eyesight and still drive vehicles with people in them. They made a quiet vow to never to get into a car with her.

“Okay, fine, you don’t want to make out with Kelly. So what was up with the flirting?”

Sarah frowned. “Flirting?”

“Yes.” Max pinwheeled their hands in front of them. “The flirting. It was the same as when you were talking to that girl on- on, um, the- the, uh-” They paused for a long second. A really long second that felt more like ten seconds than a second, but that was a technicality to be ignored. “-animal website,” they finished lamely.

Sarah looked highly offended. “What? No, the way I was talking to Kelly was not the same as when I was flirting with Marsha.”

“Yes, it was. Vague rudeness while pointing out their attractiveness.” Max dumped hot sauce on the tiny portion of burger left in their hands. “I remember things, Sarah. Especially scarring things. Like you flirting and revealing that you have a collar fetish.”

“You have got to stop bringing that up,” Sarah insisted in all fake-seriousness.

“Never,” Max agreed.

Sarah rolled her eyes, grinned softly and kicked at their feet under the table. “I was not flirting with Kelly, okay? I don’t like her like that. She doesn’t like me like that.”

“I dunno.” Max moved onto their next burger. “Seems like she does.”

“Really?” Sarah’s voice pitched out high and lost. “She does?”

“Yeah. You know, she kept smiling every time you talked and her face kept getting red.” They took a bite of their burger. “Bashic lovsh factsh.”

Placing both elbows on the table, Sarah cupped her own face and nodded. She licked her lips slowly. One arm dropped and help Max’s wrist loosely. “Okay, Max, please listen closely. Kelly does not like me like that. That is a fact that I am well aware of. She does not like me at all. No crush. No love. Nothing.” She shook Max’s wrist. “Do you understand?”

“Yes.” But Max did not understand at all.

 _You could get them together_ , Wei suggested.

_And why would I do that to myself?_

_Because you’re a dick._

_Fuck off, Wei._

_Because you want Sarah to be happy and Kelly could probably save her from being eaten by alligators a lot._ Wei paused and flashes of multiple online articles rolled through Max’s head. _Heroes do that too many times._

 _Damn straight,_ Max agreed but they partly blamed this hypothetical situation on Sarah because frankly she would be the type of person to almost get eaten by alligators a lot. Damn her desire to pet any creature she came across.

And Max? Well, Max would probably be the person kicking their way into Sarah’s room and yelling any time an official tried to drag them out.

They crinkled their nose at the thought, knocking at Sarah’s feet with their own. She stuck her tongue out at them. They stole one of her cupcakes. She stole a burger.

 _Ah, friendship_ , Wei mused.

 _Shut up, Wei,_ Max thought but their mental voice felt far too fond and Wei just let out a snort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the second chapter, I guess. Hope it made some kinda sense.  
> I'm also on [tumblr](http://happykid44.tumblr.com) if you wanna see wips and such.


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